Preparing your child for school

It's almost that time of year when thousands of children don on their shiny new school shoes and head through the school gates for the first time. Some children look forward to making new friends, becoming a whole year 'smarter', and using their new stationery. For others the days leading up to the first day of school can be filled with nerves.

First day nerves are normal expectations for children facing their first day at school. Hopefully for many, in a few days or weeks they will know the routines and expectations, have a friend or two, and love their first teacher.

Keeping in mind that the first day jitters are real but ameliorate with time and familiarity, let's look at how you can help your child manage those first day nerves as they start school.

Ten tips for managing the first day of school

1. Talk about school

Before your child starts school take time to talk and check-in on how they are feeling. Go through some of the routines and rules they might encounter at school. Reading a book together on starting school such as, Starting School by Andrew Daddo and Johnathan Bentley, are great to familiarise kids with what to expect and to normalise their feelings.

No doubt they will have had an orientation day and will be slightly familiar with the environment so build on this, reminding them how much fun they had on this day. Answer their questions, validate their feelings, and always be positive.

2. Visit school before starting

Most schools have a kindergarten or prep orientation day, usually at then end of the previous year. If not, contact your school to see if you can organise a visit to the school with your child so they can meet the teacher and become familiar with their class and school surrounds.

Even if your child did have a whole class orientation day, a second visit may be beneficial if they are highly anxious or on the autism spectrum. The teacher could spend time showing them again where their belongings will go, what some of the school routines may look like, where they will eat recess and lunch, and even show photos of other teachers they will have.

3. Practise skills for independence

The first year of school will see your child testing and developing their skills for independence. Children at this age love to learn how to do new skills and practise initiative and independence. Parents can help their child embrace this stage by taking time to teach new skills, and letting them do things themselves, such as dressing for school, packing their lunch and school bag (the night before school), and simple chores like making their bed and setting the table.

As early as possible, like the first day, let them carry their own bag into school and place it where it belongs. Teach them how to take out their stuff from their bag and where to put it. This provides them with a feeling of ownership and responsibility at the get go. One of the key rules to follow is 'if your child can do it, carry it, tidy and pack it up', let them. Don’t routinely do for your child what they can do for themselves.

4. Teach your child to write their name

One of the first things they’ll learn to do at school is write their name on their work, and being able to spell it is helpful – even if they are not at the point they can write it (or even spell it out-loud properly), getting started will help.

5. Organise a play-date

If possible organise a play-date with another child starting in the same class. Your child might be starting school with several friends from preschool or you may have met some mothers through the kindergarten orientation day. A play-date will help your child have a familiar face on the first day of school. If this is not possible you can let them know you will organise a play date for the new friends they are going to make. Some healthy forward thinking optimism helps.

6. Skills for making friends

Some children greet their parents at the end of the first day of school gleefully telling them of all the friends they have made. Others might not even mention another child. Both examples are perfectly fine and normal. It's a big first day.

If your child comes home and says ‘I have no friends,’ don’t panic. Some children are happy to take their time at making friends. However, assisting your child with skills for making friends is helpful. You can teach your child how to ask a friend to play or join in the group, and how to ask a friend to wait for them while they eat their recess or lunch (if they are taking a really long time to eat their lunch. This happens!).

You could also teach your child to ask their friend where they'll be playing so your child can find them in the playground after they finish their lunch. As parents I'm sure you find it hard to recognise your kid out there in the playground with their hat and toggle on. Imagine how hard it is for a new kindy child to find their friend. All the hats are new and look the same!

7. School ready social skills

Some helpful social skills for school readiness that you can teach your child include understanding the difference between right and wrong, and to recognise and respect authority figures. How to express needs and feelings verbally in a socially appropriate manner. Understand and recognise other people have feelings (perspective taking). And how to take turns, share, and use polite language.

8. Be prepared

When finally the first morning arrives – don’t rush! Be prepared. Have the clothes out the night before (your kids clothes out too!), lunches made and packed, and leave early so you are at school early or on time. This goes for picking them up at the end of the day. Be on time. If you’re late it could make your child feel anxious.

Try to minimise your own anxiety showing your child, that you (and them) have 'got this'. They will be looking to you to see your confident secure looking face, which in turn will reassure them it's going to be okay. In the words of Margaret Thatcher to George W Bush, "Don't go week at the knees George!" Be strong and positive for your child.

If your child is showing signs of 'worry' such as being very quiet, tearful, upset, and clings to you, reassure and validate with a hug. Downplay this mile stone and instead explain that kindergarten is a place where they will make friends and have fun. When it is time to leave let them see your confident reassuring face. And remember, this is not the time to get on bended knee and pull them close to tell them how much the last four years of their life has meant to you!

9. Have a good-bye routine planned

Have a good-bye routine planned so they have an expectation. You could say, 'Have a great day. See you when I pick you up.' Once you say good-bye leave. They won’t feel like you're a bad parent for walking away. They will have most likely forgotten they were upset as soon as you leave.

And for yourself, if you know it's going to be a bit emotional seeing your 'baby' heading off to 'big school' plan something nice to distract you like coffee with friends, shopping (retail therapy), or if heading to work, remind yourself of the most likely outcome of the day. A happy child who loved going to school and making new friends.

10. 'What Went Well?'

Once your treasure is at school try to make after-school time a bit special, with a snack and time for the two of you to chat. For working parents this might be dinner or bedtime. Some children like to tell the details of their day, others might simply say, 'It was fine'. Whatever your child's style of communication, you could help them talk about their day by saying, 'Tell me three things that went well'. (WWW-what went well). This style of questioning promotes positive memories of the day which is helpful to focus on in general but especially in the early weeks. Plus this is a great habit to create.

Off and Running

Once they're off and running, the first day is done and dusted, let them ease into their academic year and don’t expect too much academic progress too soon. If your child is happy and seems to be enjoying school, that's a real achievement. The rest will come later. However, if your child doesn't seem to be settling well, or tells you about teasing, speak to your child's classroom teacher.